My Healing Journey

I am sitting here contemplating whether to tell you all that this is my first blog. This is my first ever blog!!! I am writing this blog about my healing journey. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. I experienced trauma after trauma as a child through child sexual abuse with a number of perpetrators both men and women. It was an awful experience that no child should ever have to endure. However today ten years on from the abuse and I am grateful for the experience in which I had. I am grateful because it has shaped the woman that I am today. I am proud of the women and the professional woman that I have become and the child that was me that survived such unimaginable trauma.

People who know my story in great detail often ask how do you get out of bed each morning and how do I cope with my life today? These people then go on to tell me that they would not be able to deal with it and maybe they are right. I may not be able to deal with stuff that I hear other people experience but one thing is for sure and my mam always says, “God would not give you anything that you cannot handle!” My mam is not a very religious woman by any means.

Alongside my mams words of wisdom to help me through my journey was that one day I decided that I was not a victim and that these people were taking no more from my life! I decided that I would not let these people win that I would look after number one. I made the decision to heal through the horrific pain and torture that was left with me. It was not and is not an easy journey. The reason that I say is not is because I am human and yes I have healed through the trauma of my past. Though I am still human and will continue to learn, grow and heal until the day that I leave this physical world. One thing is for sure through all the pain and torture of healing it has been the most worthwhile journey that I have experienced to date.

I began one to one therapy in private counselling and one to one counselling with the National Counselling Service of Ireland. I truly found both of these to be a remarkable space to simply be. It was my safe space to be, cry and heal. No one wanted to fix me or stop me from crying in the therapy session. My family and friends all wanted to fix it all for me which came from a place of love. Yet no one could fix this only me. I needed to be broken to mend myself back together again. In counselling I learned a great deal of awareness about myself and coping skills that I needed. My perspective was beginning to change still I kept feeling that counselling was not enough to help me to heal. I had a deep knowing within that I needed something more.

I had heard of reiki and knew that I wanted to do it. I thought this is it this is what I need. I attended the level 1 reiki course for a weekend and I was hooked. I loved it. It opened my eyes up to a whole world that I knew existed but was apprehensive to discuss. I was always open to something much bigger than you or I in this world. My good friend that was my grandad had always been very open and had passed that wisdom onto me. I had an energy healing session. It was amazing. I cried and cried and I cried and I cried some more. I was releasing, I was feeling lighter. This was different than talk therapy. My reiki teacher then explained that my energy is being healed as I was talking all about the abuse in therapy but I was stuck and unable to move forward due to the energy. The healing that came from reiki over the past 3 years has been profound. It has been painful but my whole life has changed. I now look at my abuse differently, my whole perspective on life has changed and I feel lighter. It enhanced my life and complimented my psychotherapy as I was now able to move forward without my past being at the forefront of my life.

Through my reiki journey I discovered so many other techniques to my healing but mindfulness and meditation being the main one. I now have a sense of inner peace. My inner life reflects my outer world. I am happy, content, peaceful, and full of joy, laughter and love. There are still times when it may be hard but I now have new coping mechanisms and a way of viewing the world that I never had before. These hard times are far and few between and much more manageable. One of the most important aspects of my healing was my commitment and the fact that I was there for me. I was honouring myself and healing for me. I know that we all lead busy lives but one hour a week for you is not much to ask out of 168 hours a week.

My healing journey has by no means been an easy journey but it is for sure a worthwhile journey. I now love me and thank the world for my experience as there is no way that I would be the person that I am today had I not experienced what I experienced.

I enjoyed psychotherapy and reiki all so much that I became a psychotherapist and reiki master to hopefully support other survivors through their journey too.

Love and Light,

Amy